A New Kind of Mother's Day

Things can change. Sometimes over many many years or quite soon but the possibility exists. For most of my life, I never thought any aspect of my relationship with or to my mother would change. I’d spent my younger life until around the age of 30-something having nothing but anger, disappointment, and contempt for my mother who had chosen an existence away from my life since I was eleven. As fate would have it, I had two daughters and so began a tiny chipping away and eventual softening towards a point of view more objective, empathetic and-dare I say-forgiving. I say “dare I say forgiving” with apprehension because I have yet to feel and know the entirety of what that word “forgive” truly means, where my mother is concerned. Clearly there are many complex facets to what contributes to change, especially such a deeply personal and private one. I’m realizing, as I write this, that one of the things I know is that despite the difficult path with my own mother, a chunk of appreciation and my ability towards this forgiveness connects directly to what I have learned from my own children. They have taught me more compassion, more patience, more grace and have been instrumental in forging an often invisible path which leans into forgiveness. It is for the first time ever that I have acknowledged simply having a mother on this day. I have never, not once, connected this holiday to my own mother. In fact, after years and years the only time I even knew it was Mother’s Day was when my children gave me cards, and hugs, and kisses and of course as I became aware that the world outside was running around buying flowers, planning parties, and dinners for the women who brought them into their lives. So while I have arrived at a place where I can think of my mother, thank her for having me and continue to try to understand my journey with her a little bit more I am moved to tears as I recognize that it has been the journey with my own daughters which has led me here: to thanks, to more empathy, and inching closer to forgiveness. It’s a new kind of Mother’s Day for me today, as I acknowledge my mother on the day of and thank my children for being my greatest mentors and cheerleaders. If I am truly good at this job of motherhood, on any level, it is because they taught me well.