ALL IN THE BALANCE...

So I know. I realize it's been a while since my last post. The balancing act sometimes has its own timetable and I have been trying to roll with it. Sometimes up and sometimes down but still rollin!

I can't believe it was 2012 that I published my first book, Not So Black and White! The time has flown!! It's been full and fun, rewarding, and fulfilling.

I've had so many incredible opportunities, a whale's share of personal challenges, and some struggle with regaining my balance through it all. However, being a Libra it is all about finding the balance so that's no new project for me. I go through periods when I question my purpose, my ability, and even my needs. At times it can all lead to a jumbled mess. My father used to always say, "Your work will save you." The older I get, the more relevant and true this becomes. I feel more and more that despite personal things turning upside-down in my life, if I can hook into the work I will find myself back to where I need to be. Perhaps this is working outside in and maybe my way back to balance will change again. In fact, I'm quite sure it will but for now I look to what will pull me back to the table; get me busy with something worthwhile and with a creative challenge that gets me off of myself. And it's interesting how things show up when you allow them/"it" to do so. 

I recently heard from my mother. For those who don't know my story, I have been estranged from my mother for most of my life, but every now and then she will make a cameo appearance. I would like to say that these cameos are positive and encouraging but not usually the case. This recent one actually didn't have it's impossible effect on me, but on my eldest daughter. I had not anticipated this. It was very difficult to watch and know: that my mother's disappointing reach now extended to the next generation. But here's where the good part comes in. Out of this emotionally challenging event came an inspiration to do something to counter it all in some way. Enter...next book idea.

Out of the tears was born a project to create with my daughters. A book that we would work on collaboratively and publish together in celebration of our mother/daughter experience. A beautiful book filled with inspiration, empowerment, positive anecdotes, and gorgeous photographs! The idea was actually offered to me, probably a year ago, by my friend Katrina Fontenot. She kept bringing it up and I thought 'yeah, it's interesting' but it didn't really hit me in the right way at that time. Then all of a sudden after the fallout from my mother calling and her effect, it became very clear that now is the time to write that mother/daughter book! And though it is from the perspective (along with my daughter's voices) of a mother who didn't have a mother around (me), the purpose lies in the patterns that have been changed for the better. I get to celebrate what I've done right with my children and share their beautiful spirits with the world!

Currently, I continue to work through some ongoing personal stuff that needs resolution, but I have a stronger conviction that I can get on the other side of it and regain my balance having embraced the new work before me. And what better healing medicine than to create that with my two incredible children!

I am reminded once again that if I hang in there long enough, the balance will find me and the work will lead me home.

 

 

 

Hanging In The Balance...

As much as I feel I'm continuing to learn and grow, I often still fall repeatedly short of feeling as though I am 100% evolving. Why is that? I've come to the conclusion that the balancing act does not disappear, does not get conquered or controlled. I feel that mid-way through, perhaps following the birth of my children, was when I really started to feel the constant pinch of always feeling pulled from all sides, always running out of time, and striving to get ahead. The concept of time didn't really kick in until my 40's, not REALLY. Now I feel two ways: either like a hamster on a wheel or in limbo holding my breath until the next project begins but rarely savoring the snatches of quiet moments in between. This is the new goal. Actually, it's an old one but maybe if I pretend it's new and unchartered territory I'll be more apt to finally and permanently adopt it. How to find the balance? How to achieve a sense of equanimity, equilibrium, and calm in the midst of daily overwhelming information, looming future concerns, and present random BS? The only way I know how to slide over to visit the other side of "balanced" is to steal it, be greedy, and even a bit selfish. When I feel the overwhelm, angst, and stress take over I sometimes have to literally talk to myself aloud. I reassure myself that it will all be alright, that the world will continue spinning even if I choose-for the moment-not to, and that taking pause will only make me and everyone I encounter better for it. With that in mind I stop. I push myself away from the table, grab a jacket and go outside, check myself onto a massage table or shut down my electronics to regain my…balance. It isn't an easy task but as necessary (or maybe more so) than staying "plugged in", meeting the deadline or making the bed. Sometimes we have to just stop and put the whole of our lives on a momentary pause. That time-out doesn't have to mean a week or even a year but we can all spare 10-30minutes to just slow down. So while you're setting your standards high to achieve, to get the writing done, make the meeting, and to always turn in nothing but your best work, don't forget yourself. Remember to visit the other side of the balance; to feed your spirit and soul with accountability in showing up for digesting it all, for peace, and for quiet. Demand the time to honor a need for balance in your life. It can only replenish and contribute in the best way to ALL of you. Becoming a monk may not be a part of the path but momentary mindfulness doesn't cost anything but can return with infinitely important dividends. Namaste artists and enjoy the balance!